The ‘Structure’ Trap

All of the therapists, psychologist, psychiatrists that I have worked with since my bipolar diagnosis in 2004 have encouraged me to build a daily routine.  And it’s helpful.  It gives me a sense of stability and predictability, as well as a sense of accomplishment in completing tasks each day.

There is no way you could mistake my house as one of a person with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  The shelves need to be dusted, and with a big hairy dog, a cat, bird, two teenagers, and a woodstove, daily maintenance of sweeping the floor, changing the litterbox and vacuuming the hair off the couch is just about enough to keep it looking decent.  But I sure wouldn’t want to eat off my floor!

The benefit of a structured daily routine, keeping the house neat and organized, helps me monitor and decrease the chaos in my brain.  The racing thoughts, ruminations on past traumas, and harm-avoidance worrying about the future can be significantly more manageable if I keep the environment at home peaceful.  But at different times each year, like mid-winter and early spring, I find myself caught in an increasing spiral of completing my daily routine with just a little bit more rigidity, just a little more exacting standard of completion, just a little more emphasis toward perfection.

It could be “spring fever” from being cooped up due to the winter weather.  It could be the onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder, which challenges me each season.  Whatever the cause, when I recognize the cycle I need to get off of the rollercoaster.  I need to take a day to find different activities, whether cleaning out the garage, moving around the living room furniture, or planning a room renovation.  Creating structure for myself is beneficial.  But when the structure takes on a demanding life of its own, then it is a trap whose power must be diminished so that it returns to being a helpful part of my day.  Structure should not produce anxiety and irritation.