Healthy Alone?

About 3 months ago, I broke off a six year relationship, including a two-year engagement.

He was a genuinely nice guy, caring, and generous in helping my kids through college. And yet, I was unhappy. We didn’t fight. We didn’t bicker. We lived in separate residences. The problem was, though, that I didn’t exist in the relationship. He liked golf, we played golf. He liked casinos, we went to casinos. He liked certain restaurants, we went to those restaurants. He didn’t want physical intimacy, so we were celibate in 4 of our 6 years together. My interests; bookstores, museums, dancing – nah. He volunteered for many veterans organizations. I tried to be supportive. I attended conventions – where I knew no one. I volunteered for a committee he chaired, got little acknowledgement for my efforts. I visited his elderly mom in a nursing home several times a week (what an amazing lady!), and spent the day with her as she was dying. And yet I was closed out of his grief, could not share mine when she passed.

His every day seemed a self-imposed challenge of micromanagement, routine, and perceived imposition. By the end, I was miserable every time I talked to him.

So, it was time to be healthy and happy – alone.

I will not marry again. I have no interest in getting into another doomed relationship, casual or otherwise. I’ve been divorced three times, followed by two failed 5+ year relationships.

So I will be alone. And I have written before about being “Alone, not lonely”. I have rewarding and fulfilling relationships at work, two fantastic young adult kids (ages 19 & 21). I have a brother, and a semi-relationship with my parents.

And for me, that will have to be enough.