Monthly Archives: June 2016
Open — The Daily Post
BiPolar can mean shame. It can mean fabricating reasons why one does not work, or excuses to avoid family obligations. But when it comes to the immediate impact on children or spouses, it can be especially challenging.
One thing that I retained, through all of my ups and downs, was my ability to write. And when it was time for my kids to enroll in college, I was able to channel enough energy and focus to complete scholarship applications. And in the applications, I was honest. Absolutely honest about the impact bipolar has had in affecting my ability to provide for my kids.
My kids are great, and deserved scholarships. Our circumstances were dire, and they were awarded scholarships.
Today was interesting. I had a call from a friend – a parent of an up-and-coming high school senior, about a particular scholarship they are applying for.
And, for the first time, I was open with this person about the challenges we had faced, and I was able to give suggestions for their scholarship process.
It was fantastic to be able to come out of the shadows, and to just be open.
Natural — The Daily Post
Au Naturale
We live in a glossy world. Photoshop, cosmetic surgery, hundreds of thousands of oils and ungents, creams and pills, all marketed to improve beauty and youthfulness.
But how do we display our authentic beauty? When our soul sings and our cheeks dimple with laughter, are we not more beautiful than any falsified image?
I discover a few more grey hairs peeking through in the mirror each day. My laugh lines are absolutely becoming crows feet. A heavy make-up day for me means eyeliner – and that is a rare occurrence. I’ve got a muffin top, and fashion is at the bottom of a list of my three thousand other priorities.
And yet, I am happy. I am confident, prosperous, and content in my achievements. As the years add up, I find the need to dress and primp for others has diminished into nothingness.
Take me as I am, or move along. I am happy as I am.
Au Naturale
We live in a glossy world. Photoshop, cosmetic surgery, hundreds of thousands of oils and ungents, creams and pills, all marketed to improve beauty and youthfulness.
But how do we display our authentic beauty? When our soul sings and our cheeks dimple with laughter, are we not more beautiful than any falsified image?
I discover a few more grey hairs peeking through in the mirror each day. My laugh lines are absolutely becoming crows feet. A heavy make-up day for me means eyeliner – and that is a rare occurrence. I’ve got a muffin top, and fashion is at the bottom of a list of my three thousand other priorities.
And yet, I am happy. I am confident, prosperous, and content in my achievements. As the years add up, I find the need to dress and primp for others has diminished into nothingness.
Take me as I am, or move along. I am happy as I am.
Rebuild — The Daily Post
Healthy Alone?
About 3 months ago, I broke off a six year relationship, including a two-year engagement.
He was a genuinely nice guy, caring, and generous in helping my kids through college. And yet, I was unhappy. We didn’t fight. We didn’t bicker. We lived in separate residences. The problem was, though, that I didn’t exist in the relationship. He liked golf, we played golf. He liked casinos, we went to casinos. He liked certain restaurants, we went to those restaurants. He didn’t want physical intimacy, so we were celibate in 4 of our 6 years together. My interests; bookstores, museums, dancing – nah. He volunteered for many veterans organizations. I tried to be supportive. I attended conventions – where I knew no one. I volunteered for a committee he chaired, got little acknowledgement for my efforts. I visited his elderly mom in a nursing home several times a week (what an amazing lady!), and spent the day with her as she was dying. And yet I was closed out of his grief, could not share mine when she passed.
His every day seemed a self-imposed challenge of micromanagement, routine, and perceived imposition. By the end, I was miserable every time I talked to him.
So, it was time to be healthy and happy – alone.
I will not marry again. I have no interest in getting into another doomed relationship, casual or otherwise. I’ve been divorced three times, followed by two failed 5+ year relationships.
So I will be alone. And I have written before about being “Alone, not lonely”. I have rewarding and fulfilling relationships at work, two fantastic young adult kids (ages 19 & 21). I have a brother, and a semi-relationship with my parents.
And for me, that will have to be enough.
Healthy Alone?
About 3 months ago, I broke off a six year relationship, including a two-year engagement.
He was a genuinely nice guy, caring, and generous in helping my kids through college. And yet, I was unhappy. We didn’t fight. We didn’t bicker. We lived in separate residences. The problem was, though, that I didn’t exist in the relationship. He liked golf, we played golf. He liked casinos, we went to casinos. He liked certain restaurants, we went to those restaurants. He didn’t want physical intimacy, so we were celibate in 4 of our 6 years together. My interests; bookstores, museums, dancing – nah. He volunteered for many veterans organizations. I tried to be supportive. I attended conventions – where I knew no one. I volunteered for a committee he chaired, got little acknowledgement for my efforts. I visited his elderly mom in a nursing home several times a week (what an amazing lady!), and spent the day with her as she was dying. And yet I was closed out of his grief, could not share mine when she passed.
His every day seemed a self-imposed challenge of micromanagement, routine, and perceived imposition. By the end, I was miserable every time I talked to him.
So, it was time to be healthy and happy – alone.
I will not marry again. I have no interest in getting into another doomed relationship, casual or otherwise. I’ve been divorced three times, followed by two failed 5+ year relationships.
So I will be alone. And I have written before about being “Alone, not lonely”. I have rewarding and fulfilling relationships at work, two fantastic young adult kids (ages 19 & 21). I have a brother, and a semi-relationship with my parents.
And for me, that will have to be enough.
bipolarcoping 