Holding the Door Open

“People come into our lives for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime.”  I don’t know who authored it, but it is so accurate.

My bipolar, my breakdowns, my inability to purse my career, and all the associated complications have tested the relationships in my life.  I have lost acquaintances and work friends after leaving my jobs. I have lost life-long friends, who have been unable to bear my continual ups and downs of the past ten years. I have lost lovers and husbands.  I have been distanced from family.

And some of those relationships are, quite simply, gone. There are people who I have loved and lost, and I have grieved that loss and then moved forward.

But for one – one very important person, I have waited.  There was no animosity in the decline of our relationship.  We just separated a very long time ago, and never learned to know one another.

I was not in a position to remove the physical distance between us.  There were reasons that I could not involve him or keep him informed about my own struggles.  And he had his own struggles to grow through.

But I held the door open.  Cards and small gifts sent at the holidays.  The very rare e-mail and text, not asking, but presenting.  Presenting wishes of luck, reminding him of the presence of love, and reminders to be safe in his dangerous profession.  Not pushy, not mushy.  Just quietly being present for the day that he might reach out.

Words can not explain my absolute gratitude and joy the day that he agreed to come visit for an event involving my son.  In 26 years, it was the first offer to visit that he willingly accepted.

He came.  We talked.  We laughed.  No heavy-duty reminiscing, no assignations of blame.  We enjoyed being together in the now.

I promised him that I would not get mushy.  But when I hugged him tight at the end of the evening, he hugged me back.

I am so grateful.